Thursday, November 21, 2013

OH how LOOOONG it's been.

So, those of you who "follow" (why the hell would you do that anyway: I never post anything) have seen me make fun of Eugene Douchebaggio of "Public Advocate" before.  Welp, I FINALLY get a new one.  This one's too fun NOT to share.  Hell, I may do a bad YouTube video on this one.  As always, the bad formatting is his:

President Obama claims you support homosexual "marriage."

I do.

He and his ultra-liberal media allies brag that you're demanding special job preferences for homosexuals and teaching so-called "alternative" lifestyles in school.

They aren't "special".  Black people also get these "preferences".  As do white, asians, antarticans, women, etc.

Is it true? What do you say?

That is why I've prepared a nation-wide American Morality Survey.

I took this "survey".  It's exactly the same as the survey that put me on your list, you lazy shit.
With the liberal media's poll results in hand, the Homosexual Lobby insists YOU actually support them.

And with Harry Reid's Senate and Obama's White House under their thumb, the Homosexual Lobby says NOW is the time to push their perverse lifestyle on every man, woman and child in America.

Sorry, but I haven't heard of any plans to force people like you and me to engage in teh buttsecks.  Believe me, I'd've heard of them:  The gays I know have lips looser than Ted Haggard's asshole.

To make matters worse, more and more Republicans in Congress are coming out in favor of the Homosexual Agenda.

You mean they've stopped being bigots and are finally reaching levels of tolerance the democrats finally reached towards blacks in the 70s?

That's how the Homosexual Lobby rammed through the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

You "christians" have some strange definitions:  "love", "tolerance", "ramming", "choice", "freedom", "equality under the law"...

Now they are determined to pass nationalized homosexual "marriage" to cement Obama's left-wing legacy.

It's called "equality under the law".  I'm sure that either you have a perverted idea of what that means, or you've never heard this phrase before (in which case your school was shit.)

And if they convince enough Republicans to throw their support behind the Homosexual Agenda, I can only begin to imagine how much more damage they will inflict on our country.

Is anyone other than me tired of hearing recycled anti-miscegenation arguments?  Please say yes.

As the President of Public Advocate of the United States, I've devoted thirty years to battling the Homosexual Lobby in Washington.

That's why pro-Family Senators and Congressmen are counting on me to find out if you really support the Homosexual Agenda.

I do, assface.  If you actually checked the results of your surveys, you'd know this, and I likely wouldn't be on your mailing list.

If you remain silent, insiders in Congress say the entire Homosexual Agenda could pass in a matter of months.

See the above pic.

Passage of the Homosexual Agenda will ignite a firestorm that will rip through families, communities and businesses:

* Special job rights for homosexuals. Business owners may have to adopt hiring quotas to protect themselves from lawsuits. Every homosexual fired or passed over for promotion becomes a potential federal civil rights "victim."

First, these aren't "special".  Blacks, muslims, and women have these rights as well.  You can't fire someone for their race, religion, or gender.

Radical homosexuals will terrorize daycare centers, hospitals, churches and private schools. Traditional moral values will be shattered by federal law.

If this scares you, You better be sitting on a toilet, because I have news for you:  THEY ALREADY WORK IN THESE PLACES!  *gasp*  I know, shocking.  Hell, I am reasonably certain that there are gay people working in "bloodbank" in at least 2 hospitals in the country RIGHT NOW.  Yes, there are gay people HANDLING YOUR BLOOD!  EVERYBODY FUCKING PANIC!


Fucking moron...

* Homosexual "marriage." Ministers would be forced by government mandates to perform "marriage" rites on wedding-gown clad men.

Eeeeenope. Not gonna happen.  Freedom of religion.  No minister will be "forced" (at least by the government) to perform marriage rites for teh gheys.

You wanna know what IS happening, tho?  There are pastors being forced NOT to perform marriage rights.  Both by their ecclesiastical hierarchs and by law in many states.  You seem OK with governmental coercion when it supports YOUR religious beliefs, but should that coercion stop, you're all "ZOMG DA GUBBMINTZ FORCING MEEEEEE!!!1!!1!"  There's a term for this, but I can't think of it right now...

Don't believe me? Across the nation, government officials are already punishing photographers, bakeries and wedding planners for refusing to support homosexual "weddings."

Because they are public accomodations.  Businesses are not allowed to discriminate.

In Canada and across Europe, government attacks have already begun on pro-Family ministers.

This is foreign.  I'm not even going to touch whether or not it's true (it's likely not, BTW), but WHY DO YOU CARE?!

* The Homosexual Classrooms Act. Your children or grandchildren will be taught homosexuality is moral and natural.

High school children will learn perverted sex acts as part of “safe sex” education.

We went over this already  (two separate links)

This next bit is just plain bizarre.  I'll let you read this out in full before I give my commentary...

One stormy night, I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.

As I rounded the final turn, my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.

Trembling with worry, I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.

Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio, what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized.

As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time, Delgaudio, we can't lose!”

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Homosexual Lobby could win it all.

I've been warned hundreds of thousands of petitions supporting special rights for homosexuals will soon flood Congress.

And my friends in Congress tell me that the tens of millions of pro-Family Americans have remained virtually silent.

This is pretty obviously a bullshit story.  Let's pick it apart:

You heard "something was up"? And why the fuck would a group that "supposedly" (some do, now.) has millions of dollars worth of support need to be in a rinkydink place in the middle of nowhere?  ESPECIALLY when they're doing nothing illegal?  That, and your description of the men being entirely stereotypical ALONE tells me you're bullshitting.

Also, you were recognized?  Dude, I had FORGOTTEN YOU EXISTED, and I'm possibly one of your harshest critics.  And why would "dozens" be moving towards you?  At MOST two security guys would move in, which would be justified since you were tresspassing.  This whole thing is sounding like you trying to paint yourself as some sort of hero and the "homosexual lobby" as some cartoon villain. Geez...

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