Monday, December 23, 2013

Me Vs. Dick Dynasty and Eugene

Oh, goodie!  he's back.  Oh Eugene, how I missed you so.  This time he's upset that A&E has suspended that dumbass from Dick - I'm sorry, DUCK - Dynasty.  Phil Robertson, I think.  Anyway, let's not waste any more time:

Dear pro-Family American, 

Why yes, I AM "pro-family".  I think that gay people should be able to have them.  Oh, wait, that makes me "anti-family" to you, doesn't it?

I am putting out a call for emergency action.

A fight has just exploded over whether or not celebrities have the right to speak freely -- at least when they OPPOSE the Homosexual Agenda.

Wait.  Lemme stop you right the....

You see, Phil Robertson is one of the stars of the very popular television show Duck Dynasty.

Dammit.  See, I knew where this was going.  I find this whole thing rather hypocritical of you.  After all, it was you guys (well, one of your allies called "One Million Moms") who boycotted JCPenny a while back because *gasp* they hired a gay person for their ad campaign!  So much for the "right to speak freely", huh?

There's a problem for you though.  Free speech isn't under attack here. 

Robertson and his family have made a name for themselves by staunchly endorsing and even displaying wholesome family values and their Christian faith on camera.

For which they are very lucky.  They managed to get the attention of the right people and it turned out to be a ratings gold mine.

In fact, every episode is closed out with a family prayer.

Which is their right.  Nobody said they couldn't.  It's also irrelevant.

In his off-screen time, Phil Robertson spends much of his time spreading his faith and attacking the moral decay of this nation.

Again, that's his right.  "But wait!" you may ask, "didn't he get punished for that?  That's wrong!"  No, and no.  Have some patience and we'll get there.

But yesterday, he crossed major media’s “line in the sand” when he spoke out against the Homosexual Agenda.

Again, his right.  He's an idiot, but it's his right to say such things.

"But..." I SAID WAIT, MORON. We'll get there.

In an interview with GQ Magazine, Phil dared to speak the truth:

Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible.

He's right, of course.  Of course, so is eating duck, if I recall my kashrut (kosher) laws properly.  What, you forget about Matthew 5:18-20?  Sad that an atheist knows the Holly Babble better than you do.

GQ quoted him saying that when “everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong ... sin becomes fine."

And I couldn't agree more.

And again, that's your right.  So far, this is a rather sane piece, but we're about to go to stupidtown.

The Homosexual Lobby wants to blur what constitutes a family, what defines relationships -- and completely destroy any concept of morality or traditional values.

Of course, the media backlash was instantaneous and furious.

And that's the media's right.  What, you think freedom of speech is freedom from consequences?  See, this is why I called you a hypocrite when I mentioned the JCPenny boycott.

They could not believe a public figure would speak out so honestly about his beliefs.

Especially when those beliefs conflict with their Homosexual Agenda.

No, what they couldn't believe was that someone in this day and age would still hold such archaic beliefs.  It's kind of like when people on fark post this image:

The Homosexual Lobby immediately went on the attack with their deceitful propaganda.

They actually claimed that “true Christians” do NOT oppose the Homosexual Agenda.

See, I never heard this claim.  And you don't cite any sources, so I'm going to assume that it's just like your little trip to the gay publishing house, and entirely fabricated.

Of course, that is ridiculous and completely false.

Oh, so you admit you lied?  Oh, wait, no.  This is a modifier to your lie.  Carry on, I suppose.

But there is no truth the Homosexual Lobby Public Advocate won’t twist to fit their agenda.

Fixed that for you.

Their attack was so vicious that the A&E television networkindefinitely suspended Phil Robertson from the Duck Dynasty show hours later.

Guess what?  That's THEIR right.  See, they have this "freedom of speech" thing too, and they don't HAVE to give Phil Robertson a platform if they don't want to.

While Public Advocate doesn’t normally get involved in private business matters, this situation is different.

Hah.  No it isn't.  The only reason it's different is because you think you can use this to bilk money out of the "faithful" morons who believe you.

Please sign your petition to A&E demanding that they stop silencing Phil Robertson for speaking about his Christian faith.

No, I will not help you spread your links around.  I changed that to something more...appropriate, given who sent the link.

Phil spoke out in support of real family values and traditional morality... and A&E made this a public issue when they sacked him for it.

No, HE made it a public issue by stating it in a widely subscribed magazine.  He is now facing the consequenses of that decision.  A&E did not start this shit.

You and I cannot leave a pro-Family spokesman alone while he’s under attack.

If we don’t come to his defense, the Homosexual Lobby will guarantee that our families never see anything wholesome in the media again.

Considering that fucks like you consider sending bears to kill children "wholesome", I'd say that's a good thing.

That’s why I am asking every member of Public Advocate to take a moment today to help Phil out.

Please CLICK HERE to sign your petition to stop the Homosexual Lobby's efforts to censure Christian values.

Again, I changed the link to something more...a propos.

Let them know that there are still pro-Family Americans left in this country.

I have said this before in other forums:  You christians really have strange definitions for words.

We need to generate an overwhelming show of support for Phil and his public stance

For the Family, 

President, Public Advocate of the U.S. 

You're an asshole, and not at all "honorable".  That'd be like if I signed my letters "his royal highness".

Anyway, good luck with all that. The sane among us will just make like Spiderman above and just point and laugh.  Cheers.

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Honestly, I want you guys to comment at this point. I don't know fucking everything.